The Simple Things

We all know what the view from our balcony looks like, but this morning, the view is different:

The rain is really coming down!  It started getting light, but as the morning progressed it got darker instead of lighter.  How odd.  This picture was taken at 7:30 am!

One of the things we have little access to that I can find is a good Singapore radar.  There are two that I have found:  ONE or TWO  

As you can probably see, neither are great.  Weird coming from the US to here - the satellite and radar are very limited here as opposed to plentiful there.  One of the luxuries of living in paradise - maybe they figure we don't need it since the weather is hot with a 50% chance of rain year round  ;-)

I am blogging sporadically right now and I know it - but I am trying.  Unfortunately, I feel like the outside looks.  Steve is leaving for the states (read near home) early next week and yes I am bummed.  Not because he is going, but because there is no way I can justify going home for one week - the amount of money or frequent flier miles I would spend going and returning  - well there is no reason to do that.  Yes, it is a crummy deal, but it is what it is.  One minute I think to heck with it I am going, but more so, the next minute I know in my heart we cannot justify doing that.  The second thought wins out - so I will stay here in Singapore and ask that he enjoy the trip enough for both of us.  That will be difficult, but I will do it.

My friend posted HER BLOG today and it says what I feel right now.  I whine here on my blog occasionally and God knows I have been whining on and off since I came.  I started the Singapore blog to vent my frustrations - and vent I do.  

Contrary to what it seems, I do look on the bright side of things, have enjoyed the life I have had here, have had experiences I would have never dreamed of, traveled to places and seen sights that have taken my breath away - both good and very, very bad.  But yes, I go through my pouty stages.  For that, I must say I am sorry to my friends, I honestly try to 'suck it up', but some days it ain't so easy.

Back to my friend's blog.. this line says much of what I feel:  I’ve decided, for now anyway, that Singapore is not where my home is but it is where my life is.  

Some people just don't feel the same homesickness' we do - and I get that.  Some are born expats, and I get that too - they think of expat life as an adventure around every corner. Some are blissfully happy and say they are having the time of their lives!  I tend to believe that every minute of every day for them is not as sun-shiny as they make it out to be.  I think they just don't share it, are not honest with themselves, or maybe they don't vent it outwardly as I do.

Some may say I am not living my life, taking advantage of the situation, but that is oh so not true.  I do live my life to the fullest, enjoy my time here, make the best of it and I do treasure what I will take from Singapore; a whole new perspective on the world, great experiences, wonderful friends from all over the world - and a deep understanding of other cultures.  

I think my perspective of my friend's statement is "home is where my hubby and I are living, but the comfy spots are where we have spent our lives; Louisiana and Oklahoma."  My adventures would lie there with my family and my day to day activities in a place where I don't have to consciously fill in days to stay busy. The adventures I dream to get back to are walking out to my car and driving across country if I so desire, stopping where I want, buying what I want along the way and tucking it all in my trunk and moving to the next stop. 

The adventures I dream of being able to hug my grand babies at will, do my crafty stuff any time I chose (*gasp!  With my own crafty stuffs, sewing machines and scrappy stuff).  I dream of sitting porch swing, watching the squirrels and birds play, while my itty at (cat) stalks them and our doggy stalks the kitty.  Yep, those are the adventures I dream of getting back to.

My dreams are not of elaborate things or places - it is the simple things I miss.  No amount of 'filling in the spaces' heal in the emptiness I feel in my heart.  But I must get back in the grove of letting go and moving on - because I am finding it hurts to stand so still and wish.  I have surely been that stagnant pond my friend is chatting about.  Man, I must stink  :-(  

Let the rain get wash out the old and bring in the new fresh water.  As I look out my window, I can almost see the view again. 

Give me patience to stay here were I am and not cry about not getting to go where I long to be... This will be a tough 10 days or so...but I can and I will do it.  Going to plan some stuff to keep me busy.  

Or maybe I should sort pictures... 

I forgot to say how I love the way the Indoor Stadium glows in the dark - this from our patio.  It almost looks like a spaceship, doesn't it? 

I wouldn't have that in the states, now would I? 

Yes, there are some truly great things about being here too...