Enough.

I have had enough.  

I have gotten to the point of why bother?  This is not just about Covid-19, this is about life.  It is just too much pain; political bs, people constantly baiting, taking digs, f’ing off, calling names, making snide innuendos, and always berating others.

It is about twisting thoughts to be hurtful and aiming them back where they started.  It is about making it always look like it is aimed at you when it was never about you at all.  It is about feelers on shirt sleeves and Jr High tricks in an adult suit.

It is about always being one step worse or one step better than the other person.  It is about bringing those ‘up’ down to your level.  It is about beating one down until they are absolutely dead - and beating some more.

It is about a life one never wanted to live and laughing because you like to rub it in.  It is about shock and pain and hate and viciousness and acting all coy about it.  It is about pointing the finger away from you and not seeing the other three pointed directly at you.

It is about weaving a reality where none exists.  It is about living in a fantasy land and expecting others to join.  It is about letting satan win and shoving it down others throat.  

It is about taking those trying to portray them as evil.  It is about calling people you have never met, a name not worthy of a human.

It is about you, and not about me, so why does it hurt so much?  

Why do I care?

Because I see the best in people, I care and I love everyone I know.  Every person has an amazing quality in them.  I look for that.

I care because I  a good person, a human that makes mistakes and I care because I am God’s child.

He does not make junk; not me, not you and not anyone on this earth.  God made us.

So please God, show me the way.  How do I navigate this treacherous path?

How do I get through ‘enough’?  I can’t do it alone, please take my hand.

I have had enough.

It’s Broke!

What is broke you ask?

EVERYTHING!

The upstairs shower

The downstairs shower

The faucet out back

The washer

The dryer

The front door dead bolt 

(ok, it works, but it takes forever to hit it just right)

The faucet in the garage

Steve’s truck!

And the world has Covid-19!

Geeez!  Did I say I am OVER it?!?

I am.  😳

So I am posting a picture of my lovely granddaughter.  What would I do without my crazy family to make me laugh?

This picture was taken of her a couple of years ago and she was not intending to buy this dress at all - she just wanted to try it on.  She had everyone at Goodwill laughing!  She was trying her damnedest to not laugh.  But she was a good sport and had everyone rolling by the time she did her waltz around in her sluzzy dress.  I love my family.  We are all goofy!

I have some great pictures of Jeremy's family as well - will share pics of them soon.  

Thank God for all of them.

Love the world and miss it.  Love MY world and miss it.  Now I want to move away from my broken world!

Day Bazillion Covid-tine

Quite frankly, I am sick of this!  I don’t see an end to it for me.  I see an end for most people, but for me, I just don’t.

Steve and I have sewn 370+ masks.  Doing so is a constant reminder of Covid-19.  It has not been good for me mentally.  The more we sew, the more people beg for more.

I am taking a few mental health days off.  I have 2 baby quilt I want to sew, and I will make one for sure before returning to ‘duty’.

Here is the beginning:

As you can tell, I am not in a good frame of mind.  Depression is a terrible thing to fight.  Add that with a severe immune deficiency and a world pandemic... I am in the hole.  

Deep depression.

Gotta keep on swimmin’.  

Easter 2020

Easter is a time of celebration.  Jesus reminds us He IS alive.  Every year Easter is a new beginning - just like spring is; all the dead is gone and new life surrounds us.  

When I was a kid, my mom would take us to El Reno to celebrate with my grandma Davis and my cousins; and we had LOTS of cousins!  We had the best food (grandma was a wonderful cook and moms learned well), grandpa Leon would fuss as all of us cousins would race between him and his sports games on tv, but we were never scared - just took him in stride - we loved being together and playing.

When I had a family of my own, I made sure we went to church regularly.  My kids didn’t have cousins to entertain them, but they had lots of church friends who would goof around and play with.  They grew up together, hung out and were truly friends.

Our kids have since grown up, live nearby (thank you, Jesus!) and are good through and through despite what others have done to them.  I am proud of each of them and the families they have created.

However, Easter is so different from when I was young; the older cousins hid eggs for the younger cousins - and we were constantly playing, laughing, big gatherings and lots of laughter.

Time and life has strewn us apart; cousins and families live across the country and seldom see each other.  Families don’t gather like they used to - kids would rather ‘game’ or be ‘friends’ with people they have never met.  Family... is distance now... busy filling their lives... with... no sense of being an entire unit.  No time for extended family; close or distant - just a mandatory dinner date and gone.  I miss the ‘olden’ days; I miss when grandparents were cherished, and kids were entertaining and we laughed and cooked together for hours and then played.

And I miss church.  I have been half a dozen times in years; but I always get sick for weeks.  I don’t know how to overcome that.  TV doesn’t replace church family.  

I have a deep faith in a God of love and forgiveness.  I know there is a God.  Look at the flowers; how does a daisy know it is a daisy and a tulip know it is a tulip?  How does a maple tree know it is maple and a magnolia know it is a magnolia?

Who else could have come up with God’s art and nature’s perfection?  Look at our bodies; noses to breathe, eyes to see, hands to help and feet to explore His world!

Today is even tough.  Thirty some days quarantined with no end in sight.  Before Covid-tine I could fill my empty holes with OHCE and a friend.  Today, I spend hours and hours making masks and sinking deeper into depression and reality. 

I miss my family, our little get-togethers and our waves as we pass each other on the road.  Even that brightened my days.  I miss the old life and I miss the pre-Covid life, and I fear the future.

This is me, somewhere in Colorado with my parents - and the pink Cadillac.  Dads.  😂

Happy Easter.

Day 26 Covid-tine

437 masks!  That is all we have been doing!  Yes, Steve has been helping.  We get 50 made, but have 80 ordered!  We get the 80 out and 25 more orders come in!  

We are at a standstill because I have no interfacing and none can be found!  Even Amazon is out.  I do have elastic coming in this weekend - supposedly.  We will see.  

Steve has been working in front of the barn putting water spickets on either side of it and one by the driveway so I can water plants - 3 total.  It has been a lot of work for him.  When he is finished he will have lots of gravel brought in so we can park the camper in the barn easily.  

I can’t seem to upload pictures right now, apparently our internet isn’t fast enough.

Anyhoo, all is well here.  Staying home and staying safe!  Hope you are, too!!