So I have to try to piece part it, or take out 3 rows. Wish me luck.
I went to my Dr today. I am hurting from head to toe worse than normal, with a continuous awful headache. I always hurt, but this is a major scale worse. I was driving a few days ago, and, I have no idea how it happened, but I was driving, then suddenly in a ditch, trying to keep the truck from turning over. I have no idea what happened. I have never even had a wreck! Cattle were all that were present. Yesterday, again, country roads, I suddenly find myself in the dead center of the road! Ya’ll, I am not looking down or messing with anything. I am just suddenly where I shouldn’t be.
So I tell my Dr this, show him my CAT scan results that were taken when I fell. I tell him my sinus Dr is fighting with my insurance company about my sinus surgery, and how much worse my pain is. I told him I wanted to go to a chiropractor, I figure everything is out of place since I fell, but wanted his blessing.
He immediately said “absolutely not!” Looking at the CAT scan he said it is possible that I may have an artery aneurysm - or a cancer in the bone. *gulp* I guess and aneurysm is an eroding vessel, which is what the radiologist stated on the results.
Whatever it is is about a quarter of an inch. Tiny, right? Anyway Dr said we don’t want a chiropractor touching me until we know for sure what is going on. Oh, whatever it is is between C2/C3 in my neck.
He felt my eye socket and it is still very swollen and dense. My eyesight should return to normal once the swelling goes down, but at a month out, he thinks there could have been a fracture in there.
He thinks my brain was ‘shook’ badly and bruised when I fell. Trust me, it probably was. I swear I felt it slam against my skull - which he said could possibly be causing horrible headache and possibly small seizures, hence the driving problems. I am now punished from driving until my brain heals. I am not upset, I was genuinely scared anyway.
Dr also said that the fall put me into a major Lupus/Sjogren's flare, which combined with everything out of place, is causing my terrible headache and pain.
He is allowing me to take steroids to conquer the flares even though I am not supposed to have them. He is giving me Celebrex to try to get the inflammation down. I have my MRI for my neck (with contrast) on November 3 to determine what, if anything, is going on there. I don’t claim it, so it will be fine.
So that is where I am. Tired, hurting, frightened, and praying a lot. And definitely not thinking clearly. Back to my triangles. 😂
I met my sister after my Drs appointment to visit. I love that we are close. I shared all the details, whined a bit, ate ice cream and hugged her. ❤️
More “now you know” in my life.
God said He won’t give us more than we can handle…
Full Disclosure. I did NOT make these wall hangings. I came across them at a quilt store in El Reno, OK in March this year.
Oh. My. Gosh! Talent!! These are small pieces of fabrics put together to make these wall hangings.
Now look attached to the wall hanging. Do you see a picture? Yep, the artist took a picture of her granddaughter and created a wall hanging out of small pieces of fabric!!
I am sick of fighting medical battles. Just sick of them. My head hurts 100% of the time. I am exhausted. Sun hurts me. My foot feels like a splinter is in it permanently wedged there. My Dr says since it is below my arthritic toes, it is likely arthritis. Yes, I have stiff toes, too And since the fall, my body screams that it is (everything) out of place, so I saw a chiropractor. What a freaking joke! Payment plans/24 visits total/3 times a week. 2 months - 60 mile round trips… Moving (slowly) on.
The older I get the more depressed I get.
We cave a huge camper. We have a nice boat. We have a hot tub. We have nearly 40 acres of property with 4-wheeling trails and a deep, giant pond.
Boat may have been out 3 times in 5 years. Last time *I* was on it was when a storm came in and Steve’s cousin rescued me while Steve went and got the truck. It terrified me. I asked to go out again, but the “yeah” said it all. We haven’t. I think he took the kids out twice.
The camper. We went (only) to visit friends near Branson in it. The previous trip was pre-covid with his family - which are also getting older. I loved those trips. I told him last month that we had nearly 2 weeks open in October. Let’s plan something. “Yeah, we can.” But we haven’t. Here we sit.
The hot tub. I had a bleed. It got messed up. I was not well prior to the bleed, so it was my fault it got nasty to begin with. I don’t WANT to go in it every single day, but it helps me on my awful days which are a lot of days.
It irritates him that I don’t jump up every morning and get in it. I have to shower (showers exhaust me) every time I get in it. He doesn’t. I have Sjögren’s, he doesn’t. I have ‘girl parts’, he doesn’t. So, the Dr later put me on a pain patch and I find out that getting in the hot tub sucks that pain medicine right in - to me! All of the med. I tell him I will just take it off. No response. It is my fault that damned tub has sat full of crappy water for 4 years.
Boat. Parked. Camper. Parked. Hot tub. Parked. Why do I get so depressed looking around at all the things we could be doing? Because this life hurting sucks! I want to camp, fish and enjoy the crappy days I have left - even if I hurt.
Raelee and him have been working on a bike for over a year. Well, Raelee has stayed on him to work on it and it got done. If it were from me, it would be labeled nagging. She just wanted her bike done. She was determined. Now it has another problem. And at 3:30, he is napping… since 2. He will head out at 4 to feed the cattle, then work in the shop on her bike until 8.
I love him with all my being. Most can see we love each other. Many are even envious. But. He drinks. A lot. He isn’t mean at all and he doesn’t get ugly. In fact, he gets lovey dovey-er nice to me and shows how concerned he is about me. I do know he loves me. Who else would put up with all my bs? My worry and complaint is that his drinking is causing his lack of drive to do anything at all and so we just don’t. I will die wishing we did and he will die drinking and not knowing what we missed.
Finally, I have had two major incidents; the bleed and this fall. Serious health issues, plus the one I am diagnosed with. “Holy hell, I have no idea how you are still alive! Anyone with these numbers are dead or dying!” (Dr at NIH’s words) I want a will, better yet a trust. We have a will but it is old and in Louisiana. I want my end of life somewhat settled so I don’t have to fret over things getting where they belong. Well obviously, if I am dead, I won’t fret, but I want things ironed out. *Now!*
Now you know what’s what is really bothering me. Yes, I am depressed. Very, very, very depressed. I cry almost daily. I see no way out. I can change me, but I can’t change others. Others have to have the desire. So what’s next? I don’t know. My frustration is high, my depression is deep, my fear is real but my love is deeper than deep. He will always be my hero. Always.
And this is the first time ever I have shared a word about his drinking. Oh, our kids and some family members know, but I don’t talk to anyone about it ever. I would never betray him like that. Except a counselor I had gone to… but I am just so frustrated now that I have to say it.
Everyone in the oilfield drinks as near as I saw. Everyone in south Louisiana drinks beer like water. And isn't alcohol addiction hereditary? So he has gotten it from all sides.
I learned to cook some bad assed awesome food in south Louisiana. GOOD food. And it isn't diet friendly. So I am overweight. And he drinks. Two peas in a pod? And I am complaining? No, I am worried. I love this man with every fiber of my being. I know he loves me as well. These things are not deal breakers, just bumps in an already bumpy road.
And now you (?) know. No one I am sure, but my blog does. Goodnight.
I am on row 3,
but look at my points!
Gotta stop making piles and finish piles I have started. 😂
Remember my OHCE friends? We had 2 back to back meetings - and then went to lunch. What a great visit with friends. I would miss them if I quit.
But I am so tired.
I think this fall really did a number on me. I am better, but not well - 2 weeks later.
Which blog?!?
Gads! I don’t understand what is going on, but it appears I have the correct blog… so, I am going to post quick!! 😂
Look at me! This was taken at Holidays on Parade 2021. After 2 Covid years, we were finally able to have it. The theme was America!
The reason I stay in OHCE is because of my friends:
This sucks! I can't get to my pictures on my computer, but on my cellphone it keeps uploading to my old blog no matter now many times I sign out of it and go to the other one! I have spent many nights trying to figure this out. Grrrr!!
I WILL be back.
Today we are riding our bike to Robber's Cave near Wilburton, Ok to a festival there. Wish my luck, my 'feeling like it' scale is about a 3.
Until then, this is what I am working on now - and two other projects. I can't show you the others because they are on my phone.
Anyhoo, getting ready for a COLD trip south to the festival. Wish us luck!
I was resting after a restless night. At 8am my phone started vibrating aka ringing in the silent mode. Raelee wanted to go to garage sales. I jumped up, dressed, brushed my teeth and told ‘papa’ he needed to drive us to garage sales. Halfway to her place it was raining. By the time we got there, it was pouring. As in lakes between us and her!
So we went to junk stores. My best find? This child’s quilt for $5!! Well, $4.98 actually. Isn’t it great?
The rain only lasted a couple of hours, so we found a few garage sale signs and followed them to nowhere. Please take your signs down people!! Grrr…
So we ate lunch at Cajun Ed’s (he’s from Houma); had fried shrimps (my Cajun friends get this), seafood gumbo (with potato salad) and shrimp poboy. Yum!
Then we went by Punkin’s apartment and Steve started her ‘broken’ bike. 🤷🏻♀️
And off she went!
We followed her to make sure she made it. She was a happy camper.
Finally, my face is looking better, but I feel like a truck ran me over. I just ache from head to toe, but I am fine. Still clueless as to exactly what happened. But here I am today - even my other eye is getting black.
Sunglasses and a cap - and I am good to work outside for a bit again.
