Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Simple Things

We all know what the view from our balcony looks like, but this morning, the view is different:


The rain is really coming down!  It started getting light, but as the morning progressed it got darker instead of lighter.  How odd.  This picture was taken at 7:30 am!

One of the things we have little access to that I can find is a good Singapore radar.  There are two that I have found:  ONE or TWO  

As you can probably see, neither are great.  Weird coming from the US to here - the satellite and radar are very limited here as opposed to plentiful there.  One of the luxuries of living in paradise - maybe they figure we don't need it since the weather is hot with a 50% chance of rain year round  ;-)

I am blogging sporadically right now and I know it - but I am trying.  Unfortunately, I feel like the outside looks.  Steve is leaving for the states (read near home) early next week and yes I am bummed.  Not because he is going, but because there is no way I can justify going home for one week - the amount of money or frequent flier miles I would spend going and returning  - well there is no reason to do that.  Yes, it is a crummy deal, but it is what it is.  One minute I think to heck with it I am going, but more so, the next minute I know in my heart we cannot justify doing that.  The second thought wins out - so I will stay here in Singapore and ask that he enjoy the trip enough for both of us.  That will be difficult, but I will do it.

My friend posted HER BLOG today and it says what I feel right now.  I whine here on my blog occasionally and God knows I have been whining on and off since I came.  I started the Singapore blog to vent my frustrations - and vent I do.  

Contrary to what it seems, I do look on the bright side of things, have enjoyed the life I have had here, have had experiences I would have never dreamed of, traveled to places and seen sights that have taken my breath away - both good and very, very bad.  But yes, I go through my pouty stages.  For that, I must say I am sorry to my friends, I honestly try to 'suck it up', but some days it ain't so easy.

Back to my friend's blog.. this line says much of what I feel:  I’ve decided, for now anyway, that Singapore is not where my home is but it is where my life is.  

Some people just don't feel the same homesickness' we do - and I get that.  Some are born expats, and I get that too - they think of expat life as an adventure around every corner. Some are blissfully happy and say they are having the time of their lives!  I tend to believe that every minute of every day for them is not as sun-shiny as they make it out to be.  I think they just don't share it, are not honest with themselves, or maybe they don't vent it outwardly as I do.

Some may say I am not living my life, taking advantage of the situation, but that is oh so not true.  I do live my life to the fullest, enjoy my time here, make the best of it and I do treasure what I will take from Singapore; a whole new perspective on the world, great experiences, wonderful friends from all over the world - and a deep understanding of other cultures.  

I think my perspective of my friend's statement is "home is where my hubby and I are living, but the comfy spots are where we have spent our lives; Louisiana and Oklahoma."  My adventures would lie there with my family and my day to day activities in a place where I don't have to consciously fill in days to stay busy. The adventures I dream to get back to are walking out to my car and driving across country if I so desire, stopping where I want, buying what I want along the way and tucking it all in my trunk and moving to the next stop. 

The adventures I dream of being able to hug my grand babies at will, do my crafty stuff any time I chose (*gasp!  With my own crafty stuffs, sewing machines and scrappy stuff).  I dream of sitting porch swing, watching the squirrels and birds play, while my itty at (cat) stalks them and our doggy stalks the kitty.  Yep, those are the adventures I dream of getting back to.

My dreams are not of elaborate things or places - it is the simple things I miss.  No amount of 'filling in the spaces' heal in the emptiness I feel in my heart.  But I must get back in the grove of letting go and moving on - because I am finding it hurts to stand so still and wish.  I have surely been that stagnant pond my friend is chatting about.  Man, I must stink  :-(  

Let the rain get wash out the old and bring in the new fresh water.  As I look out my window, I can almost see the view again. 

Give me patience to stay here were I am and not cry about not getting to go where I long to be... This will be a tough 10 days or so...but I can and I will do it.  Going to plan some stuff to keep me busy.  

Or maybe I should sort pictures... 


I forgot to say how I love the way the Indoor Stadium glows in the dark - this from our patio.  It almost looks like a spaceship, doesn't it? 



I wouldn't have that in the states, now would I? 

Yes, there are some truly great things about being here too...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

http://www.weather.com/weather/today/Bukit%20Panjang+Singapore+SNXX0001

http://www.weather.com/weather/today/Bukit%20Timah+Singapore+SNXX0002

Are 2 spots it lists for Singapore, and radar it shows is not pretty. Not sure it will even allow you to view it though.

Hope the day gets better for you though. Even if the weather does not look like it will participate.

-Celia

cajunsis said...

Thanks Celia. I looked and it showed rain over the entire island. Today we had no rain. Things are soooo not up to date here. I am used to looking and knowing we are 20 minutes from getting hit with a storm. Here you have to wonder if it is yesterdays radar, or if it is fake.