Enough.

I have had enough.  

I have gotten to the point of why bother?  This is not just about Covid-19, this is about life.  It is just too much pain; political bs, people constantly baiting, taking digs, f’ing off, calling names, making snide innuendos, and always berating others.

It is about twisting thoughts to be hurtful and aiming them back where they started.  It is about making it always look like it is aimed at you when it was never about you at all.  It is about feelers on shirt sleeves and Jr High tricks in an adult suit.

It is about always being one step worse or one step better than the other person.  It is about bringing those ‘up’ down to your level.  It is about beating one down until they are absolutely dead - and beating some more.

It is about a life one never wanted to live and laughing because you like to rub it in.  It is about shock and pain and hate and viciousness and acting all coy about it.  It is about pointing the finger away from you and not seeing the other three pointed directly at you.

It is about weaving a reality where none exists.  It is about living in a fantasy land and expecting others to join.  It is about letting satan win and shoving it down others throat.  

It is about taking those trying to portray them as evil.  It is about calling people you have never met, a name not worthy of a human.

It is about you, and not about me, so why does it hurt so much?  

Why do I care?

Because I see the best in people, I care and I love everyone I know.  Every person has an amazing quality in them.  I look for that.

I care because I  a good person, a human that makes mistakes and I care because I am God’s child.

He does not make junk; not me, not you and not anyone on this earth.  God made us.

So please God, show me the way.  How do I navigate this treacherous path?

How do I get through ‘enough’?  I can’t do it alone, please take my hand.

I have had enough.

It’s Broke!

What is broke you ask?

EVERYTHING!

The upstairs shower

The downstairs shower

The faucet out back

The washer

The dryer

The front door dead bolt 

(ok, it works, but it takes forever to hit it just right)

The faucet in the garage

Steve’s truck!

And the world has Covid-19!

Geeez!  Did I say I am OVER it?!?

I am.  😳

So I am posting a picture of my lovely granddaughter.  What would I do without my crazy family to make me laugh?

This picture was taken of her a couple of years ago and she was not intending to buy this dress at all - she just wanted to try it on.  She had everyone at Goodwill laughing!  She was trying her damnedest to not laugh.  But she was a good sport and had everyone rolling by the time she did her waltz around in her sluzzy dress.  I love my family.  We are all goofy!

I have some great pictures of Jeremy's family as well - will share pics of them soon.  

Thank God for all of them.

Love the world and miss it.  Love MY world and miss it.  Now I want to move away from my broken world!

Day Bazillion Covid-tine

Quite frankly, I am sick of this!  I don’t see an end to it for me.  I see an end for most people, but for me, I just don’t.

Steve and I have sewn 370+ masks.  Doing so is a constant reminder of Covid-19.  It has not been good for me mentally.  The more we sew, the more people beg for more.

I am taking a few mental health days off.  I have 2 baby quilt I want to sew, and I will make one for sure before returning to ‘duty’.

Here is the beginning:

As you can tell, I am not in a good frame of mind.  Depression is a terrible thing to fight.  Add that with a severe immune deficiency and a world pandemic... I am in the hole.  

Deep depression.

Gotta keep on swimmin’.  

Easter 2020

Easter is a time of celebration.  Jesus reminds us He IS alive.  Every year Easter is a new beginning - just like spring is; all the dead is gone and new life surrounds us.  

When I was a kid, my mom would take us to El Reno to celebrate with my grandma Davis and my cousins; and we had LOTS of cousins!  We had the best food (grandma was a wonderful cook and moms learned well), grandpa Leon would fuss as all of us cousins would race between him and his sports games on tv, but we were never scared - just took him in stride - we loved being together and playing.

When I had a family of my own, I made sure we went to church regularly.  My kids didn’t have cousins to entertain them, but they had lots of church friends who would goof around and play with.  They grew up together, hung out and were truly friends.

Our kids have since grown up, live nearby (thank you, Jesus!) and are good through and through despite what others have done to them.  I am proud of each of them and the families they have created.

However, Easter is so different from when I was young; the older cousins hid eggs for the younger cousins - and we were constantly playing, laughing, big gatherings and lots of laughter.

Time and life has strewn us apart; cousins and families live across the country and seldom see each other.  Families don’t gather like they used to - kids would rather ‘game’ or be ‘friends’ with people they have never met.  Family... is distance now... busy filling their lives... with... no sense of being an entire unit.  No time for extended family; close or distant - just a mandatory dinner date and gone.  I miss the ‘olden’ days; I miss when grandparents were cherished, and kids were entertaining and we laughed and cooked together for hours and then played.

And I miss church.  I have been half a dozen times in years; but I always get sick for weeks.  I don’t know how to overcome that.  TV doesn’t replace church family.  

I have a deep faith in a God of love and forgiveness.  I know there is a God.  Look at the flowers; how does a daisy know it is a daisy and a tulip know it is a tulip?  How does a maple tree know it is maple and a magnolia know it is a magnolia?

Who else could have come up with God’s art and nature’s perfection?  Look at our bodies; noses to breathe, eyes to see, hands to help and feet to explore His world!

Today is even tough.  Thirty some days quarantined with no end in sight.  Before Covid-tine I could fill my empty holes with OHCE and a friend.  Today, I spend hours and hours making masks and sinking deeper into depression and reality. 

I miss my family, our little get-togethers and our waves as we pass each other on the road.  Even that brightened my days.  I miss the old life and I miss the pre-Covid life, and I fear the future.

This is me, somewhere in Colorado with my parents - and the pink Cadillac.  Dads.  😂

Happy Easter.

Day 26 Covid-tine

437 masks!  That is all we have been doing!  Yes, Steve has been helping.  We get 50 made, but have 80 ordered!  We get the 80 out and 25 more orders come in!  

We are at a standstill because I have no interfacing and none can be found!  Even Amazon is out.  I do have elastic coming in this weekend - supposedly.  We will see.  

Steve has been working in front of the barn putting water spickets on either side of it and one by the driveway so I can water plants - 3 total.  It has been a lot of work for him.  When he is finished he will have lots of gravel brought in so we can park the camper in the barn easily.  

I can’t seem to upload pictures right now, apparently our internet isn’t fast enough.

Anyhoo, all is well here.  Staying home and staying safe!  Hope you are, too!!

Day 11 Covid-tine

Today’s Oklahoma update:

Again we stayed out most of yesterday cutting trees that bumped the fence and running hot wire.  I was so tired by 3pm that I had to call it a day.  He stayed out to finish another 25 yards or so, and then we had to go get out sweet Chelsea.

The Dr said the giant tumor they removed was not a fatty tumor as they thought it was.  They didn’t elaborate, but sent it off to the lab.  We will see...  The news was disheartening.  She is confused, anxious and does not like her new neck armor at all.  Poor baby.

Cy

The up side to today; spring has sprung!!  My favorite season of the year. A week ago it was all dead grease and bare trees.  Today, I was able to walk and enjoy the beautiful flowers God sent!  I always feel like it is a new beginning. 

I have always loved flowers.  I am particularly partial to flowers that have a scent.  In Louisiana my son loved the smell of my night blooming Jasmine.  I miss it.  Maybe I need to get one every year for here.  The deep freezes would kill them.

Anyhoo, gotta get back out there.  Fences don’t mend themselves.

Here I go!  Looking pretty old and goofy hair fluffs - 

but darned glad to be alive!

Lovin’ farm life and 40 acres of personal space.  Ours!

Day 10 Covid-19 Quarantine

This should have been posted yesterday, but I was pooped!  So even though it is Day 11, I am showing day 10 statistics.  Today the Governor said more tests would be in this week   and they think the number will skyrocket.  This whole thing is crazy and extremely scary for me.  

My Drs office has called a few times to be sure I have quarantined and that my chest is ok.  I am having no more problems that usual except gaining weight and that none pain I sometimes get.  Last night I realized that I am nebulizing my sinuses with antifungals, antibiotics and steroids!  STEROIDS!  The reason for hunger and gaining weight.  Ugh.

So here was yesterday’s count

And where they were located, see the long skinny counties at the top right?  The greenish one?  Nope, not us, we are the county on the right of it.  None so far here.

Anyhoo, we have 40-ish acres.  We have not hit-wired the south fence because our neighbor’s wife didn’t want us to, but our bull bent the fence and got over there twice and the second time the hubby said leave it there... free stud service.  But they didn’t bother to tell us when he disappeared!  For 6 months he was gone.  This last week they bought some wild heifers and the ‘girls’ busted the fence down and came to our place.  Better than half a day Steve fought to get that heifer back and we are hot-wiring the south and west side of the pasture.

We have a lot af great scenery here... thankfully we won’t be bored!

Hope you find your happy place!

Day 9: A Last Time for Everything...

Today’s (well yesterday’s) Update:

Steve had to spend half a day wangling a neighbor’s wild cow back to their property and looking for another that disappeared - not ours, theirs.

I'm  sure he was thrilled to come in and help me make face masks that had been ordered; 

45 to be exact.  Another 14 hour day.  

But he did help - I can’t tell you how much I appreciate him.

 Sewing the masks does not put me in a good place mentally.  I ponder on the crisis way too much.  I can’t get out and pretend everything is normal; I can’t go see my kids and grand kids, I can’t go to the store and I can’t eat out.  Instead I sew the desperately needed masks and worry.

There is a last time for everything.  

What if I have already seen my family for the last time?

😭

Now you know where my depression is.

My Drs office called at 8:40pm tonight to specifically ask how my lungs are.

And if I am ok or needed any meds.

Scary.

Day 8 Quarantine

67 in Oklahoma Covid-19 positives.
2 have died.  😢

This is terrifying.

I finished 33 face masks today.  It took 4 hours.  They were almost finished this morning; I just had to add ear elastic, trim and iron.  I have no idea how long each one takes now.

There is one left.

In the meantime, we went on our west pastures looking for a neighbor’s calf...

No more rain please??

Back to the drawing... ummm... cutting board.

Day 7 Quarantine

It is imperative that I stay home, so when a nurse asked me if I could make masks, I took on the challenge!  So far I have made 37 and 25 have been taken by nurses!  I have gotten it down to an easy assembly, and I realized today that for the last 2 days I have sewn 13 hours both days!!  It takes me a bit over an hour and a half PER MASK!!  Gads!!

Oh wait, that isn’t true because I have a bunch in there almost finished!  After I finish them, I will add those hours and divide again.  Geezzz... thank goodness!  I feel a bit better about that.

This is today’s pile.  I will finish it tomorrow and then I will make a baby quilt!!  

Today, I am really tired.  Really down and really worried.  When we we see ‘normal’ again?

That is a million dollar question.

Thought...

Since 2013 I have had to be extra cautious who I was around, if their sniffle was really a was “an allergy” as they claimed, and run from sneezes.  I have had to cancel get-togethers with friends, stop going to churchgoers, and basically hibernate during flu season and duck others with common colds.  

I can’t eat fresh raw veggies outside our home comfortably, no deli meats out, and absolutely no buffets.  

Can you see we are narrowing the choices here... l  All restaurants are you “iffy” and an absolute “no!” if there is any question about it.  

Who cooked that covered dish and what are their home manners like? 

Have you ever seen the inside of an ice machine?  Wanted a lemon for your water or tea?  Who’s been touching those salt/pepper shakers?  Did a child just lick the top of the salt shaker again?  Did you see the mom wipe it off and set it back to be used?  And the ketchup bottle, have you taken a look at it lately??  

Door knobs - who touched it and what were they holding before touching it?  Light switches, gosh, have you seen how dirty they are?  Were your hands really on the back and seat of that chair?  Who sat there before you?  Is your silverware clean enough?  Yes, I do wash all my veggies and fruit with SOAP, and rinse well - because I have no idea who handled them before me or if they sneezed on them.  Did little Johnny pick his nose (or worse?) before picking up that banana that he begged his mom for?  By the way, she said no and he returned it!  Do you really think water will kill those germs?

Let’s not even talk about the bathrooms... 🤢

Now that we have Covid-19 out and about, I just wanna ask the world if they see me through a different light now?  I have been doing this for years, and other Primary Immunodeficiency (PI) patients even much longer.

How does it feel to be us?

This IS our ‘normal’.  You will be back to your normal sooner or later.  PI patients will never be ‘your’ normal.  Just letting the world know - this is our every, single day.  This is not Covid-19 times for us; this is our daily life reality and you joining in.  

Sure the restaurant’s are closed and life is different, but for me, my daily life is very different because I have to think through the risks vs the enjoyments.

I don’t wish this on anyone, but a better understanding of Primary Immunodeficiencies will surely be an eye opener for others.

In the meantime, I’m gonna keep on swimmin’ In this deep blue sea that I have been living in since 2013. 

Take another look at that salt shaker!

Emergency Face Masks Directions

I came up with these directions, and I hope we can help fill the void to help protect our medical workers...  share away!  These masks are better than they have - which is nothing - but they are NOT hospital quality.

Materials:

Fabric at least 8" x 14"

Thread

Fabric pen or chalk

Interfacing (very thin breathable)

Pipe Cleaner

1/4" elastic (2 pieces cut to 7.5" each)

Ruler

Cut 1 piece of fabric 8” x 14”

Fold 8” sides together with right sides together.  Sew the top 8" with 1/4” seam leaving sides open;

Turn right side out.  Iron with seam on one edge.  

With a fabric pen, mark 1-1/2” line across from bottom edge (this will be the top of the mask).  Be sure you are using a fabric pen or chalk as this will show.

Continue marking lines every half inch up from there until you have reached the 5” mark.

Put two layers of  8” x 6.5” (iron on) interfacing (very thin, breathable) inside at this point.  Be sure it has very fine weaving.  I would not use 4 layers of FABRIC as one layer of interfacing makes it pretty thick; two thicker and 4 of fabric definitely will. Iron.

Edited here to add, I found that if I ironed the interfacing on the wrong sides of the fabric before flipping it, it was much easier!

I just had a suggestion of adding pipe cleaners to the bridge of the top of the mask. 

So I did it!  I cut the pipe cleaner in half (6") just an inch and a half shorter than the mask.  After I flipped the right sides of the mask out, I sewed a 3/8 inch seam across the bridge of the nose (opposite side from the seam) and I slid the pipe cleaner inside.  It helps to know the pipe cleaners are directional - meaning it is easier to put in one way than fight the grain the other way.   I did all of this BEFORE making the 'pockets' in the directions below.

Start by pinching the 1-1/2” line and folding under 1/2” (away from your drawn lines) to make a pocket.  Pin.  This 1-1/2” pocket (on the bottom) will actually be the top of the mask.

Continue up the 1/2” marks making 2 more ‘pockets’ with 1/2” tucked under.  I had to flip the mask to be able to pin easier.

After making and securing all 3 'pockets', Sew the edges together with 1/4” seam to secure pockets, removing pins as you get to them.

My first masks had this bias tape, you can either use it or skip it.  Directions to skip it are below the ones to use it... lol...

I used double fold bias tape for the edges.  I cut it a bit (1/2”?) larger than the sides of the masks.  

Open the first fold and tuck the ends in and then iron, then refold (to original fold with ends tucked in) and iron again. clip the edges a bit so they won’t show when sewn.

Let me just add here, you can skip the bias tape part and add the elastic behind when you sew the pockets down.  It is your preference.

If you decide NOT to use the bias tape, I just sewed the pockets with a straight stitch, then came back to each side, zig zagged close together and added the elastic.  I trimmed the edges after zig zagging.  It looks fine and I think it will work better - it will definitely be quicker.

Cut two 6.5” pieces of 1/4” elastic:

                                     

Stick the edge of the mask into the center fold of the bias tape, wrapping the bias tape around to both sides with edge at top of mask.  Be sure mask is tucked all the way to fold of bias tape.  Start sewing.  1/2” from beginning, place one edge of elastic in, pushing all the way to fold and sew over it. 

Continue to the other end stopping 3/4” from end and tucking elastic end into fold as previously done,  (be sure it isn’t twisted) and sew over it.  Repeat on other end of mask.

Make a final ironing of your mask, trim threads and it is finished!  I place each in a plastic bag to distribute safely.

                                                

I made 5 this afternoon and will make many more tomorrow.  Hope this helps others.

                                              

Gosh, this is difficult to do on a cell phone!

Finished without the bias tape, elastic is in behind the mask, 

which makes it sit funny for the picture...

Covid-19

What am I doing during this crisis?  Sewing!  What else would I be doing?

I self quarantined last week.  Jeremy had seen this coming a month ago and wanted me to self quarantine then, however, it just didn’t seem like it was that critical.  However, I did start being more cautious, then when it started getting serious, I decided to take it upon myself to stay home.  The Drs office called Monday and told me Dr wanted me to quarantine; it became serious!  So here I am.

The weather has been bad, our pond is overflowing and the ground is Louisiana mush.  Our 40 acres are soggy, our cattle are sick of mud.  We all are.

I have managed to work outside an hour or so between the rain some days trying to find the garden I lost last year during my crisis’ (all 3 of them).  I just did not care - I was trying to hard to survive.  

Today a call to make face masks for health care workers came out.  I made a pattern and I have started making them.

So that is my calling... today.

And I will keep on swimmin’!

Oh!  And that garage sale?  It is on a long p-a-u-s-e.  Covid-19 struck.  But I was ready!

To my friends and readers?  Stay well and wash your hands!  😂

What Was I Thinking?!?

We have furniture and big stuff to sell.  I put my foot in my mouth and said, “Let’s have a garage sale!”  Oh my goodness!  What was I thinking?  Like I even have the energy for that!!

The city wide garage sale is this next weekend.  I have been marking stuff and boxing it.  This week we have been in the barn setting out STUFF for this sale.  Raelee brought more STUFF.  Steph brought STUFF.  We have lots of STUFF now and no energy. 

 

And rain is coming.

And now the Covid-19 virus is in Tulsa.  Which, by the way, I am waiting on direction from my Dr for.  We will see what he says tomorrow.  Last week he said if the corona virus came to Tulsa, I was to self quarantine for 3 MONTHS!! Surely he wasn’t serious, right?!?  Tomorrow he is supposed to call.  🤞🏻

I am near enough ready.  Will the rain hold off?  Will I get an all clear from my Dr?

Stay tuned!  😂