Sucker Punched

I am disappointed.  
I am mad.  
I am discouraged.  
I am sad.  
I am disheartened.

Friday I am having surgery again.  I have a pretty decent sized incisional hernia that has grown significantly since it appeared at the beginning of our vacation.  I didn’t tell a soul, not even Steve, until late last week when I knew it could not be ignored.  I wasn’t going to mess up anyone’s vacation.

I am... broken.  
Again.  
Or... is it still?  

I am “unreliable” someone has stated.  In my previous life, that would have never been a thought.  

In my present life, my BODY is unreliable.  I have no control over my ICL, hypogammaglobulinanemia, Sjögren’s, Lupus, sarcoidosis, CFS, and connective tissue disease.  

I think I am on even keel and I get sucker punched.  Like today.  STAT surgery.  STAT IvIG so I can even HAVE surgery.  

The depression is sucking me in.
Again.  

But I am strong.
I can do hard things.
I will, once again, do this; 
with Red’s help,
with God’s help...
WE can do hard things.

Prayers welcomed. 
I have big plans the second week in September.  Would love to keep them -even sitting down.

No comments needed.  Save them for prayers.  Thanks.  ❤️