Climbing Mountains

But for how long?

Day 2 of OshKosh.  My belly button fell out!  😳

Now stop laughing!!  😂😂

I have had a long struggle back from my bleed.  I am doing ok, I just don’t have the stamina that I did even before the bleed. 

Not wanting to spoil the trip in Wisconsin for everyone, I kept quiet and did the best I could, but it was not a simple task - as I not only had less energy than normal, but I felt weird as well.  It felt like some things “fell” inside and were displaced.  I finally called the Dr yesterday and will go in Monday.  We think it is a surgical hernia, which, if it is, will require more surgery.  😢  I have no energy for that.

I also have a hip that gives me trouble, and has for many years.  I started thinking it was time to get a steroid shot in it - as was suggested many years ago when I went to the orthopedist.  He said I had very little cartilage but I was too young to do anything but a steroid shot... how long ago was that, anyway?... Let’s see... Jeremy was two... or three... and he is now 36...  Yep, it may be time to see about that shot... 😂  Appointment made for a week and a half away.  Oh, and with the blood disorder, I don’t think I can have a steroid shot either.  Will beg Dr #1 before going to Dr #2.

I constantly have physical ‘issues’; lupus causes problems with my kidneys and with my connective tissues, so the hip is likely many years of lupus.  The blood disorders, the sarcoidosis, the Sjogren’s, the lupus... all taking the fun out of my life.

I try to stay strong and healthy, to not talk about my physical life, it always seems to come back to it... because... this IS my life... the mountain keeps getting higher and the desire to climb is dwindling.  In fact, I very nearly don’t give a damn.

My poor husband.  He is so strong but I hate that so much falls on him.  I love him for everything he is.  He does not deserve me and my struggles.  It is a sad state of affairs;  I feel guilty and he continues to be my rock.  We do this together, but he gets the raw end of the deal.

The reality is it gets harder every day, for both of us.