Nothing about my life is easy. I don’t talk to anyone about the aggravations I deal with, so blog, you are it! I am currently shooting 3 medicines up into my sinuses with a sinus nebulizer every morning. I have been doing this for 2 weeks and have 2 more weeks to go. I think it might be helping the sinuses, but it is killing my body, my brain fog and my head. I can’t think. I can’t remember anything. I can’t concentrate.
My pharmacist thinks part of this is the medicines I am using in my sinuses.
White powder in sinuses (nose) is... not good... even prescribed.
How do I compensate? I sew. It is repetitive and I don’t have to concentrate, I just do over and over. My daily grind is doing laundry, sewing, walking, sewing, napping, sewing, cooking supper and sewing. No thought in any of what I do. Just repetitive stuff. I try to smile. I forget. I try to function normally. I can’t. Even riding in the car with Steve, I have nothing to say. I just can’t think of anything of interest. We are together every day, and honestly, I am comfortable in our silence.
But I am sure I am boring - well other than my medical crap, but believe me, that is no reason to keep me around. I want so much more for him. I just don’t know how to give it and I don’t have the energy to figure it out.
It makes me incredibly sad. He deserves so much more.
So, I sew.
Yesterday, I made 20 pot holders. I washed them, de-linted them, marked them for sale and found a basket to put them in. I try to accomplish something every single day. This was yesterday.
Today I made signs for the boutique with stamping and inks,
I laminated them and then cut them apart.
That was all I could muster today.
Tomorrow I am going to my first session with a counselor for coping skills.
And to grieve what is gone.
Hopefully I will find a way to turn this around.
And in two weeks, the white powder sniffs will be finished
and hopefully another obstacle will be behind me.
1 comment:
I love you.
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