Posting in an Icky Mood - Watch Out... rofl...

The trip was long. So. Very. Long. 23 freaking hours on a plane - PLUS layovers. How in the heck does he do it so often?

I was so exhausted yesterday I struggled to do anything - including eat. Steve, on the other hand, went and worked a full 12 hour day. I know he was tired too. I just don't know how he does it. We got ready for bed at 10-ish. I *hate* being short. I reached to get my new toothpaste from a shelf very high for me (where he put it) and of course he had placed his razor and his trimmer on top of it. It fell, hitting my lip as it came down. I cannot even see up there - so how could I know it was there? My lip got busted, the darned trimmer got busted - so now I have to buy a new one - again. I was already tired and that certainly did not help. I moved all my sh** to the other bathroom and placed it all on the shelves I can reach. No more busted lips. Right?

This morning I went in to make his sandwiches. I reached up to get a paper plate and I will be darned if one of his plastic sandwich containers didn't come down and smack me in my head. I reached up, trying to stop the toppling of the objects just as the second container smacked my glasses. Both the containers and lids were on TOP of the paper plates. HELLO?!? I can barely reach the paper plates, and when I stretch to get them, my shirt is hanging over the stove. Nice if it is turned on. I have to be very careful not to catch on fire. I cannot SEE what is on top of what I already have to STRETCH to reach!

I HATE BEING SHORT. I am 5' 4" and every freaking thing I need must be put up on the highest shelf possible so I must either 1)ask him to get it, or 2) find a ladder to get it. I don't expect all things to be within my reach, but the things I use most often would be handy. In this condo - it is not like we have some great options to put things - very little cabinet space and poorly designed, so not all is Steve's fault. In fact, most is mine - I am simply in a crabby mood and those two things did not help.

Today has not gotten any better. I feel so alone. I knew this was going to happen - go home and enjoy being there, come back and be utterly alone - and horribly homesick. I know I have friends here, but with all that is going on with Steph and Megan, I just feel useless. Steve works very long days - partly because he shares a taxi with others and because he has so many things to get done. His job sucks here. He is not enjoying it at all. He comes home and does not talk about work - he leaves it there; so I am in the dark about how bad/good it is or what is going on. I know it cannot be good if he is not talking. Hints of comments come and I can hear dejection in his voice - I know. It is no better for him than it is for me. Of course, we will both get through it.

Yesterday, we didn't have a thing in the house to eat. I went to the store and needed to shop. I did not have a dollar - which means I could not get a basket. Remember the handy baskets with coins? I could not get a basket. I had to shop in my pull behind cart and did not get everything I need - which means another trip to the store - another walk to the store to get what I need and a walk home again. In the heat. Or rain. Or both.

I hear from my sisters and Steph, the world continues to twirl around them as normal. Life here is anything but normal. I hate shopping for groceries, I hate being alone, I hate the quiet, I hate the tv on listening to the debates about the election results, I hate turning it off because then I get the quiet again, I hate the heat, I hate walking everywhere I have to go or taking a taxi, I hate waiting for the 2 hours I get to spend with my hubby a day and I hate being so far from my chaotic 'normal'. The adventure is over - and I could only wish that. It goes on. This is not a vacation - this is not fun. This is my life and today it totally sucks. The only good part of it is that I am with Steve and even if I only get to see him 2 hours, it is good. I will tolerate his love of heights and bruises caused by them.

I am having a pity party today, but tomorrow will be another day. So with that, I am off to vacuum. IT makes noise - and not about election results and our stocks and 401K going to hell in a handbasket. I would like to continue to dream that retiring is still an option someday.