Not to be depressed.
Not to annoy people with my boredom.
Not to bombard people with my presence.
Not to spend all the money we are trying to save because I am bored.
I am trying really hard not to be depressed.
But I am.
Holidays are coming.
I am home.
Should be thrilled.
But depression is surrounding me.
Gotta smile.
Gonna smile.
Darkness is surrounding me...
Slowly smothering me.
I won't let it.
I hate depression.
4 comments:
I am so sorry, Sis. I will pray. I love you!
i read this recently:
"Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long." I have no idea how or if that applies to you but it does to me when I struggle with depression.
You are not bombarding us with your presence. We choose to click on your blog. You are not forcing anyone to read.
Money doesn't buy happiness but it doesn help pass some time. :)
I would love to help in some way. I will be praying for you until something tangible comes to mind.
Thank you for being honest. I will be going through what you are one day. I feel like your experiences now will help me later. I appreciate that you are writing honestly.
You really are not alone.
I've been trying to connect with you to see how life is treating you and get updates on the exciting happenings in your life. We love and miss you lots and so wish that we could spend the holidays with you.
Hope to chat with you in the next couple of days:)
I don't know if you remember me or not - we met in Okpo, South Korea. I know we haven't kept in touch, but I have continued to read your blog off and on (especially since my husband travels to Singapore frequently now). We moved back to Texas a year ago (I actually have been home for 1 1/2 years).
As someone who has returned home from living overseas 2 different times (France and Scotland first, and then Korea), I can recognize how you feel. And I think you need to realize that you aren't alone in these feelings and that it isn't always easy. You may think that logically you are home with family and friends and that should make you happy. However, it is difficult to fiqure out where you fit in sometimes. Their lives have continued on while you were gone and you have experiences that they usually cannot relate to (even though you have a blog that they have probably read). I also think that it is more difficult to return when you have either a new home and/or location to return to (or maybe not a home at all as in your case).
Do I have any magical answers for you? Unfortunately, no. I am still trying to figure out "my spot in the world" right now. When I left, I had a daughter finishing college and now I have a married daughter. I guess it is empty nester combined with new place to live that has slowed me down. I can't work in my field unless I take a refresher course, which is expensive and I have done it before when I returned from France. I have taken a couple of classes hoping to stay busy and hopefully meet people. Expat friends are quick and easy to make and there is always an abundance of things to do - not so when you return home.
I haven't meant to ramble so long, it is just that I empathize with you and your life right now (as do many others in your shoes). Sometimes I feel it makes it easier to know that I am not alone in my struggles. I will keep reading about your days and you will be in my thoughts.
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