Dam Hay

Yes, I spelled dam correctly. However, after we moved, unrolled and laid out 3 rolls of hay on the dam, I felt like calling it the other word. We all had hay where hay wasn't supposed to be by the time we finished.

Here is the story:

We have had trouble with erosion on the dam. I was driving down the road 2 days ago and was trying to figure out how to get wildflower seeds to grow on our dam. I had tossed seeds out there last year, but the rains came and washed the seeds into the pond and made them catfish feed. Well, since they were seeds, maybe they made birdfish feed. 

Anyhoo, they didn't grow and I wasted a ton of money. So I am driving down the highway with nothing better to do than try to figure out something to do to waste my time.

*idea!* I can take the bailed hay we have set aside and put it out on the dam!

Now, people... this dam is not small. By lake standards it is not big. By pond standards it is TALL and steep. I tell Steve that I am going to take hay and put on the dam and explain to him that the rain is coming in a bit over a day, so tomorrow I am going to spread that hay out so the rain will lay it down and then I can toss seed into it. The seed will stay because the hay is there and the rain will germinate the seed and I will have a flower dam and all those flowers' roots will stop the erosion. I am sure he thought yeah, right.

So I take my trusty little 4-wheeler, and I attach my trusty little trailer and grab my trusty pitch fork and go to the pasture.

And soon after that I remembered just how dense hay bales are. They are denser than the rain forest in Singapore. 

But I took my pitchfork and decided the hay bale would not going to get the best of me. I started tossing hay onto my trailer to haul up the dam and toss down the dam. It took a long to break that bale.

My sweet little grand daughter thought her granny needed help. Thank goodness for grand daughters.  After one trailer full of hay it did get the best of me - and our grand daughter - whom I am sure was looking at those other 3 bails of hay and thinking she would be there until she graduated trying to help her granny get it up on the dam.

In comes a handsome man with a tractor, with forks on it, who stabs a bale of hay and effortlessly hauls it up the dam and proceeds to toss it around the dam for us.

Along beside him comes my trusty little daughter who had mercy on her mom and grabbed another fork and started shucking hay down the side of the dam with me.

Even the dogs had mercy on me and helped!

But they finally bailed out all too soon:
 

Raelee was sure thankful for the man on the tractor - she was free to make a lot of trips back and forth to the barn to fetch things we needed! She was just a tad too happy to do so actually.

And in somewhat less than a day, my mission was complete - though it did become the entire family's mission. We had drug hay up on the side of the dam and tossed it down the other side.

And Steph even got a picture of me working!  (Thanks Steph for taking ALL these pictures!)

 

And now I can dream of the flowers that will be on the side of the dam in a few months.

Thanks to my family, my mission was accomplished. Truly - thanks family for pitching in. Literally.

But my smart assed son-in-law said something to the effect he will laugh his butt off when the torential rains come and wash that hay right into our pond.

Then instead of a flower dam I will have a shallow pond. And he laughs...

Now I will toss and turn trying to figure out how I will get all the hay out of the pond.

Me and my bright ideas... 

The Rose Beyond the Wall

A lot has happened in 3 months. 

I have said lot of prayers, we had done a lot of waiting, suffered a lot of heartache, had our share of ups and downs and so many lives have been lost. We have been touched in one way or another by so many deaths. People we know, family of people we know, people of our community that we didn't know and people that were near and dear to us.

I have been 'taking' all of this change in and trying to wrap my mind around so many things... but I am coming around. I am beginning to feel my life and writing come back, and I will be posting again in some sense of regularity finally.

Today, I want to share a poem that goes through my mind every time we lose someone we love or hear of someone losing a loved one. 

I write poetry, but I didn't write this. 

However, it touches my heart like no other. 

Notice at the bottom that I changed the color 

of the part that reminds me

that life goes on even though we can no longer see it.

Read that part twice.  

The Rose Beyond the Wall

Near a shady wall a rose once grew,
Budded and blossomed in God's free light,
Watered and fed by the morning dew,
Shedding it's sweetness day and night.

As it grew and blossomed fair and tall,
Slowly rising to loftier height,
It came to a crevice in the wall
Through which there shone a beam of light.

Onward it crept with added strength
With never a thought of fear or pride,
It followed the light through the crevice's length
And unfolded itself on the other side.

The light, the dew, the broadening view
Were found the same as they were before,
And it lost itself in beauties new,
Breathing it's fragrance more and more.

Shall claim of death cause us to grieve
And make our courage faint and fall?
Nay! Let us faith and hope receive--
The rose still grows beyond the wall, 

Scattering fragrance far and wide
Just as it did in days of yore,
Just as it did on the other side,
Just as it will forevermore.

~ A. L. Frink ~

If you are here, chances are it is because I love you.

And even if you don't know me
 You have probably lost someone you love.

Stay strong and always remember 

our roses bloom beyond that wall.

I hope this was a hug for you. 

  

Ouch. That Hurt.

Right now, I am at my step-dad's funeral. I set this up to post just as I went in for reasons you shall read about in the next few paragraphs. Please say a few prayers for us during the course of the rest of the day, I am sure we could use them.

Yesterday, I went down for my step-dad's viewing, more for duty than seeing him. We saw him before he died way more than his own kids did, we were with him for 2 hours in the house while family and friends came to see him after he passed away, and he knew we loved him.

My sister, who was his primary caregiver, said all of his belongings are divided up and given to his kids. She wanted his belongings out of the house as quickly as possible as they were difficult for her to look at. Everything happened peacefully and quietly and with no arguing - thank God.

After viewing his body yesterday (a custom in the USA), I sat in the pew to watch the pictures on the slide show play; remembering, seeing pics I had never seen, enjoying 'reliving' his life through pictures.... of his children, of his grandchildren on the first wife's side, of his ex-wife before he met mom, his parents, of Liz, of 2 of her children - but not one single picture of my mom, my siblings (other than Liz), not one single picture of any of the grandkids on our side of the family (except Liz's girls that lived with him). Liz has 5, Danny has 4, Shari has 3 and I have 2 - and not even one picture of his great grandchildren on our side.  We have one nice family photo of all of us siblings together with him and two of the grandkids, Megan and Christian... is it in there? Nope. Not one stinking picture. Steph was even called in a mad rush to ask for a picture of Megan for the slide show. She was not asked for a picture of her or her family... but for a picture of Megan... Talk about a slap in the face. That is not supposed to hurt?

There are several dozen pictures of his entire family on his 1st wife's side; complete with kids, grand kids, great grand kids, his siblings and cousins...

Not one of us or us/ours.

Our part of the family stands exactly where I thought we did.

I understand the slide show is done during grief and pictures are randomly found and used. However, I had come home, gone through hundreds of pictures and given a thumb drive with a dozen or so of our side of the family to pick and chose which ones to use (mom and dad's wedding picture was included) and offered to find a few more if needed. 

Not needed apparently. Not even any of those dozen. And not one of moma and David. However, I did make a quiet statement about it not being there and later I was told it was added.

The funeral is today. I will get through it with my family; my daughter (his grand-daughter) and son-in-law, granddaughter (his great-granddaughter) and my hubby. My son will be there 'from a distance' and quite frankly probably the best place to be. This was the only grandfather our kids remember. Together, whether we are remembered in his life story or not, we were part of his life. 

If I have received a private message from you, I will answer. I am not handling this well I guess and I am numb. Responses are not even possible right now, but I will get there. Thank you for your love, prayers and understanding. Please continue to send them our way. I loved the Bible reading shared with me. Thank you so much.

I was right to stand off and watch from a distance. Obviously, we were right where we belonged.

And though it seems like our family never touched his life, I know in my heart we all did - each and every one of us.  And that is what really matters.

Another Horrible Loss for Our Family

Two weeks ago, dad was doing ok.

Yesterday, he died. My step-dad had pneumonia last month and seemed to be doing better. The pneumonia was cleared up, he was sent home from the hospital and doing better, but he was weak. However, he took a drastic turn downward and he was so stinking weak he couldn't move. After having back, knee, hip and cataract surgery in the last few years it is no wonder. However, he was ok a couple of weeks ago, but now he is gone.

I am not sure how I feel about losing him. Oh, I am sad he is gone, don't get me wrong. Very sad indeed. But I have been struggling with his death. It is like the end of an era - he is the last ties to moma, I guess, and he is my last parent. Dad was not my real father - in fact, mom and him got married after Steve and I got married, but even though he was my step-dad, he was still a very real part of our family and has been for years.

Just before moma died, Liz went to live with her and stayed on to care for dad after mom died.  She has been living with and caring for him for 11 years; Drs visits, hospital stays, surgery's, filling meds; you name it she has been there. She was faithful to him until the end, promising him he would never go to a nursing home, but that he could stay at home until his dying day - and he did.

I guess that is one of the reasons I feel like I don't have a 'right' to feel the way I do - but I don't know how to explain what I do feel. I guess I feel like he is Liz's dad more than mine, and his kids come next and somewhere way down the line comes me.

David made my mom happy. Mom had never been truly happy until she met David. I loved David because he loved mom unconditionally and she deserved that. They both whined about this or that but the other was there to console and cater to whoever was down at the time. I was always happy that moma had David and glad that they found each other. Dad died 10 years and 10 days after mom died.

David was a farm boy.  He was raised on a farm with lots of siblings.  He was a simple man; it didn't take much to make him happy - take him fishin' and he was a happy camper.  He was also a talkative guy.  Oh boy, was he talkative!  Moma used to call just to hear someone else's voice and I used to say things on my end to make her laugh and he was justa ramblin' in the background. Todd talks about the time he was polite for 5 minutes to let dad finish his conversation (with himself) and Todd finally gave up and used the saw to cut boards. Dad was still talking 15 minutes later when he turned the saw off - having never missed a beat and not even realizing Todd had not heard a word he said while he was sawing.  Oh, yes, dad was a talker... lol... and I say that fondly.  I will miss those ramblings...

David's funeral is Wednesday, January 16th. This will be a tough week. I am staying here at my house for the most part - a bit over an hour from where David lived. I have gone down to be with my sister, but she is surrounded with people who love her; Jaci, Megan, Robyn, the preacher and his wife and David's family. The house is tiny and I am not sure what I am supposed to do anyway. I feel lost. I come home and still feel like I need to be there, but when I am there, I am, once again, lost. Weird...

It doesn't make sense. 

And all the while, the world keeps on twirling... Drs appointments, work, sewing groups, homeschool meetings, shopping, eating, sorting... it all keeps happening and I keep thinking, my step-dad just died! 

Everyone is going through David's things and dividing it up. Thankfully, it has all be done peacefully and with care and concern for everyone. When I am there and see things leaving, I sit back and think, just let us bury him first - just wait!  I don't say it, I just wish it. I haven't asked for a thing from his possessions. I have no desire to do so. I guess I feel like he might still need something so let's wait a bit. I just want the earth to stop for a moment and let us mourn our loss. Why do we have to go from one season in our lives and race on to the next season without getting a grip on 'the moment we are in'?

Why am I so torn over his death and my place in it? Why can't I put into words what I feel?

 
My dearest David, we are going to miss you.  You were the only grandfather Steph and Jeremy really knew - as you know, our father's died early in their lives. Both are sad to see you go, both are gonna miss seeing 'grandpa', and both have terrific memories of hanging out with you and fishin'. We all have lots of wonderful and fun memories with you. You leave a very large hole in our hearts, but the terrific memories will always be ours.

Do me a favor, hug moma, make her laugh again and hold her tight for us. Tell her how much I loved you both. And tell her I still miss her.

And we will miss you just as we still miss moma... I am definitely mourning your death and our loss. I love you.

Now go rest in God's glory, "Pop". 

Buttons, Buttons, Who Has the Buttons?

I must confess.  I have the buttons.  All of the buttons everyone has ever given me - I have them!  Grandma's buttons, moma's buttons, granny Daisy's buttons... everyone's buttons!

I loved admiring my buttons. They were all pretty in jars where I could see them.  I proudly displayed them on a shelf and as I needed buttons, I would dig and search for the 'perfect' buttons.

But several days ago, I needed two pretty blue buttons to go on an owl pin cushion that I was making for a friend and I had to dig through jars and jars of buttons looking for a perfect match.  I didn't find it.

So, I got this wild hare to sort them, and I spent days pouring buttons into a cookie sheet and sorting by colors:

Now I have jars and jars of buttons, all sorted by colors and ready to use in an instant.  There is one jar of 'mixed' buttons - I am sure you noticed that jar - see in the picture above?  They are not sorted because they are those cheap crafty buttons and I refuse to allow them to grace my pretty button's presence in the same jar - but even crafty buttons have their place on my shelf.  I have antique buttons from the turn of the century and buttons in every decade since then - and as many buttons as I have, I don't have many 'new' recently bought buttons.  

But I did have to go buy buttons for that owl I made!  I think I need MORE BUTTONS!


What have I been doing with my time?

I finished all the squares to my underground railroad quilt!

Now I just have to add the lattice work, border and binding.  I will shop for that this week I hope.  Sharon and I had a blast making it together.  We both agreed that neither one of us would have finished it if we had not had the other to prod us on.  It has surely been an experience!

I finished a couple of 'rag' quilts. This was one before I finished - but I love the colors!

Guess you have figured out I love those bright colors by now, right?

I will find pictures of the recently finished quilts and share them another day.

Sarah asked if the cat we lost was the one we bought with the house.  Sarah, you will be happy to know that Princess Cost a Lot is still with us. She is terribly antisocial so we seldom see her though - but she guards the shop and polices the field mice.

We are all doing ok after the loss of our pets.  It has been difficult, but we are making it.  Thanks for asking and thanks for everyone's concern and prayers.

Later gator!

Very Difficult Day

I won't/can't go in to explanations, but today we lost two furbabies.
   
Squeaks (named so because she didn't meow, she squeaked - and was quite a squeaky chatterbox at that):

 
And Goofy, Raelee's dog - can you tell?:

The picture above is Goofy with Raelee when they were young. It is a picture I could find easily through the tears.  Raelee is now 9.

We are gonna miss you both.  Rest in peace sweet loved ones.  Beloved pets that will stay in our hearts forever.

My eyes have cried more today than they have in years. 

Steve said it best:  "Sometimes life sucks."

Yeah, sometimes it does.

Busy, Busy Month!

As some of you are aware we moved our daughter, Stephenie, and her family to Oklahoma!  We moved about half a dozen loads like this from south Louisiana:

And of course in the midst of all of that was Christmas...  We raced home between one of the trips and decorated.   It was especially important to us since Punkin' would not have a 'home', leaving it behind and all the emotions that come with it - we figured she would need some Christmas spirit.  Thanks Steph for taking all these Christmas pictures!

See the cross?  We could not find one anywhere so Steve built it and I LOVE our cross!

This is what our fireplace and shelves looked like.  I think someone tossed a bunch of snowmen out there:

My Christmas village was set up for the first time in years:

I love the bonfire - it reminds me of all the Christmas Eve years we went to the Festival of the Bonfires! 

More snowmen...

And even more snowmen...

Someone might like snowmen...

Not sure about that, but I believe this house might like snowmen!


The kid settled in nicely - playing outside with the dogs every single day - most of the day. Even in the freezing cold weather, Punkin' and the dogs are running around our 20 acres!
 

Hmmm, the date might be wrong here... but see the chicken coop behind the kid and dogs? 

Yes, the chickens even made the trip.  Todd figured they would have severe PTSD when they arrived and would need counseling... 

But they settled into their new coop quite nicely:

So all is well  now in our world.  I had been sick for a month so posting was not on the top of my 'to do' list.  Even being sick, I still had to help with the move - but we made it happen!

Steph (our daughter) had surgery last Friday and her hubby, Todd, has surgery scheduled for the 2nd of January.  Maybe they will all be well starting the new  year.

Darn!  I have missed this. I have had eye trouble and could not see my computer.  More on that later... but for now, HAPPY NEW YEAR!  I hope this New Year is the best and blessed yet for you and your loved ones.

I will be back, better than ever - and blogging again.