I Know Not What I Am Doing...

But I am practicing. 

Let me explain...

Many, many moons ago, long before the dinosaurs even roamed, I had a teacher that tried her darnedest to teach me how to crochet and knit.  I would knit or crochet many beautiful, meticulous stitches, making sure they were perfect and she would eventually check my progress.  She make an elaborate production showing and announcing to everyone that my tension was too tight, and right there before my very eyes, she pulled all my hard earned stitching out and tossed the tangled mass of yarn back in my lap and said "try again".  I did.  I tried many times only to have her make a big, LOUD spectacle of herself taking apart my stitches once again.  I finally gave up.  I could not figure out how to loosen the tension, and she obviously couldn't teach me anything except humiliation.  

The dinosaurs finally came and roamed the earth, died of extinction and humans were born.  Oh wait, I was already there.  Anyway, over the years many friends crocheted and knitted.  I always envied those that made beautiful handmade gifts for my children; you know, the crocheted baby blankets, caps and mittens.  Finally I braved trying to learn again with a very patient, kind, lady - and I made watermelon pot holders until I was sick of watermelons.  The colors in them were beautiful - greens and reds and I even put seeds in them.  Even though I learned how to make water melon pot holders, I never learned anything else... :-(

I gave away watermelon pot holders to anyone that didn't run away.  I never knew what happened to my half dozen watermelon pot holders, but they disappeared.  No telling what their demise was, but honestly, when I looked at them all I could hear was my teacher telling me my stitches were too tight and not worthy of staying intact.  All I could see was my lack of perfection (those of you that know me are nodding your head - I see you!) and so I could only be ashamed of them.  I am sure they were fine - I am much more critical of myself than anyone else in the world.  But again, I put the needles aside and walked away.

Many, many moons have gone by and humans are turning to beasts now; kids grew up and grand kids came along.  Everyone knit or crocheted for them, and I looked longingly at the handmade items and wished I had kept with my little hobby, but we all know now I didn't.  Our daughter taught herself (she gets brownie points here) how to knit hats for our grand daughter and I love them - my mind going in circles trying to remember the stitches.  I could even see the needles in my hands trying to get the tension right and finally mastering the art of crocheting... I have dreamed it and I swear I have seen my hands making all the right moves - and the tension was right!

Finally today, I gave in and bought crochet needles and knitting needles.  I bought yarn to try to make something wonderful.  And I started.  I chain stitched until I got comfortable holding the yarn, I critiqued the stitches for TENSION, and I turned the corner and started trying to remember what I needed to do next.  I have made a little progress making stitches - surely not as much as my teacher took out, but I do have a little strip of yarn, somewhat neatly (not perfect you understand), and I feel like I might be able to nail this - this time.  The tension might need tweaking, the stitches might need corrected, but I am going on memories from before the dinosaur ages to get where I am.  I am proud of myself.  I can giggle at my lack of direction, and it doesn't feel like failure.  It feels like I need to figure it out because I know I can figure it out.

So here is what I have, it is not great, but it is mine and no one will take the stitches out and pile the yarn in my lap.   I will do that when I choose to do it.  I don't know what the stitches are called, I don't know if I did it right, but I have stitches of some kind made with a crochet needle - and the tension will come, right?  I might have even done it backwards (can you do that?) or upside down... or something.  But it is staying together without me holding it.  Some kind of new stitch might even have been invented here...

Since I am no longer with my Singapore friends who actually know how to do this.... so I found a tutorial on You Tube, so I am going to play a bit more with getting the feel of holding the yarn and the needle and when I am sure I think I have it down (you caught that right?) I will take the stitches out and try to make something real.  Understand, it has to be nearly perfect to get past me, but I am going to give it a shot.   Brenda, watch out!  I saw the gorgeous things you made (and I have some very warm booties) and I am gonna show you up. Well, maybe I will just sit by you and we can crochet together some day.  You can drop a stitch and I can pick it up, or is that knitting?

And if you (or anyone else) would like to name my stitches and give me hints - even tell me what I did wrong I am open to suggestions.  Be forewarned though - the knitting needles are nearby and they are sharp.  Don't take my stitches out.  K?

So I know not what I am doing... but I have needles, I have You Tube and I have yarn.  I am gonna make something and I am going to treasure it.  I will name the stitches, I will get the tension right and I will live happily ever after.

What is the first thing I am going to make?  Something for me.  I have dreamed about having my very own lovely crocheted scarf for years.  It is time that old bat taught me something - after all, she has been on 'play and replay' in my mind since the dawn of time.  She is long gone by now, but I WILL get that tension right so she can finally rest in peace.  I know she went to her grave saying "Your tension is too tight! Try again!" and gloating as she went to meet her knitter.

 

I wonder where those watermelon pot holders went?  I gave a million away as Christmas gifts.  Do you have one?

Ahhh, you were one of the runners, huh?