Nada...

Nothing accomplished today. Well not entirely true - I spent the day shopping with a friend which was really nice, and later drove around thinking, trying to get my head on straight. When I was just weary from thought, I stopped at another friend's house and we solved the problems of the world - well, actually we just took a few minutes to get caught up which was nice as well.  Finally I went home.

Peggy came over and we watched a chick flick - which tended to be sad in some ways. But having company... ahhh how nice. I loved having someone come to visit and watch tv with. It really was a great day; visiting, shopping and relaxing with friends.

I know it sounds weird, but even now I feel so isolated. It is like I am on a desert island and there is no contact with the outside world. It is different when you are alone. Your children grow up and have lives of their own. That is supposed to happen, and I am not complaining.

 Your hubby is still working and has a life of his own. I am not complaining - I know he is proud of his accomplishments and I know he loves some things he does. I just cannot figure out what I am supposed to be doing. When I am here without Steve, it is lonely. Not like being alone when he is working, more like being in a cell waiting on a visitor... in a cell waiting on someone to call... waiting on - well I am waiting... but what for?  Does that make sense?

Yes, yes, I know it is me - not them. I know I isolate myself. My brain tells me others have lives - it is me that doesn't. I don't want to intrude. In fact, calling others makes me feel like I am begging to be included. It is not that they make me feel like this; it is my mind that makes me feel like it.

Anyway, can you tell I feel sappy tonight?

And I didn't get anything accomplished in the house - but I did find a computer bag that I can take on the plane with my meds. YAY!  And I did get to visit with 3 very dear friends.

About Singapore. If I don't think about it, I don't cry. How sad is that? So I have it neatly filed away under 'Can't Deal With This". I will open it later. Every once in a while, I try to open that file, but I still have to slam the drawer. I deal with my list right now.

I am listening to my music - have I ever said how much I love music?

Man! I need to get a life...

Tomorrow.