What a pitiful little snow girl, but Steve started her and I finished her. We had a soggy, sloppy 3" of snow last Thursday. When I went out to do something outisde, I got whapped in the head with a snowball. The fight was ON! Steve and I were so loud, Daniel came out to check on us and helped me out. I was losing horribly, but I didn't fare so bad once Daniel jumped in. Over an hour later, most snow smashed on walls instead of the ground, we scraped enough to get this little gal built. That is the best laugh I have had in years.
Depression is a difficult thing to fight. After a year of being here, I still miss home so horribly it hurts. I have no life, no friends, and nothing to do for days on end. Laundry takes just a bit of time with 3 washers. The biggest problem is 3 flights of stairs WITH the laundry.
I am taking photography classes and I could go take pictures, but do you know what it is like alone? Even the photography classes have a sad side. I do not understand his lessons and do not have anyone to work with to figure them out. Even the classes are lonely. We started with 20 people, and are down to 19. The girl at my table came to the first class and never came back - so even there I am working alone. I KNOW I can take good pictures and I would love for him to see that, but I don't even care now. My initiative is gone. I am disheartened by the class - he has said some brash things about a few of my pictures, so I am shutting down - I feel it happening. I look at what I considered to be my better pictures and in my head, I can hear him and his snipey remarks.
I KNOW I should be reveling in my life. I am where I thought I wanted to be, alone with my hubby, and have his almost undivided attention (I split it with Schlumberger, Mr Lucky and Dallas every day), and taking photography classes. Sounds perfect doesn't it? Why am I so depressed??
Even Raelee has her own life, she doesn't even call any more. Life is twirling around outside, everyone living their own lives and it is going on while I sit and wait... just like Steve asked me to do. Does it ever get to be my turn? WHEN can it be my turn. How do I turn this depression around?
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