It seems like every little bit, there is always a new change in our lives to get used to. I thought when we got to be at this stage in our lives, we would have a 'normal' that stuck with us with very few changes. Apparently, that is a stage in our lives we will never see again.
Our move to Oklahoma has been a good one for the most part. We have been able to see family that wants to see us, been able to take a weekend trip to visit with family and we love our little corner of the world. We moved here with several intentions; one to get back to our home state, a place that we love and remember fondly. Secondly, most of our family lives in Oklahoma, so our intention was to be near family so we could rely on each other when times get tough, encourage each other when we need a shoulder to lean on, be near each other in case of emergency and get together for holidays and celebrations. I thought we would actually be able to get together more as an extended family, but that doesn't seem to be convenient for everyone and I am trying to understand - everyone has their 'important' in life and so it goes...
Megan moved in with us last winter, and this week she decided to move in with her mom. Instead of all working together as a family (my sister, her sister, us and Megan), she left for a 'visit' with her mom and came back to move out. Just like that, with no warning. My sister had a lot to do with the decision, of that I am sure. I did not have a call from my sister asking how we could all work together to get it worked out, in fact, I have not had a call from my sister about the situation at all... nor did I have a call from Megan letting me know how she felt. Just 'click' and 'I am outta here'. Amazing how family works (together) or not, isn't it?
I am a parent; I try guiding kids into adult life; teaching them to make good decisions and living in a grown up world. Steve and I have done our best with all the kids we have had in our lives, but as all parents do, we make mistakes and want so much for our 'kids' to grow into happy, successful adults that we sometimes come across too strong. We praise for things they do right (and Megan done a LOT right) and guide them when they need guided. That is the case with Megan, and since Megan has never really known any real 'parental' guidance; when I was trying to teach her responsibility of keeping track of where her money goes - you know, noting it instead of using the ATM card until the money was gone? She took it as 'talking to her like a 5 year old' and decided the grass was greener on the other side of that fence... and so she moved in with her mom - or wherever she moved - of course, we were not privy to that information.
Without even trying to talk to us about what was going through her mind or how she felt, without even trying to work through our problems; She walked in, dropped the keys to my car (which she had free reign of), with my sister's encouragement, Jaci's, car and her sister's prodding, she told me she had come to get her things and was moving out... *just like that!*
They carted her boxes upstairs, loaded them and walked out of our lives. She grudgingly hugged me, and she was not going to bother to hug the man she called 'dad'. He was in the back yard and when I told her she owed him a hug and a good-bye, she dutifully gave it - and then walked away - right past our grand-daughter and out of our lives without a backward glance. And that is how it ended. I am still shaking my head - I cannot believe she even took part in that - much less DID it. That is how all problems are solved, right? Walk away from them and don't worry that you wrenched a heart or two on the way out.
Hurt by so many parties? That doesn't even begin to cover it...
I have to wonder one thing - when Steve and I reach out our hands to help those we love and ask nothing in return - how to do we get to be the 'bad guys' and others get to shine in the glowing light like rescuing knights in shining armor? How exactly does that happen? Once again, my heart is tearing, my stomach in knots, tears on the verge of happening, my world has once again flipped - but mostly I have a broken heart. Our family will never cease to amaze me. I will never learn, and I will always love. I don't think I am a bad person, I do think I am a loving person, I do think we are fair and I do think we tried. And I am sure I made mistakes. But we tried. That is all we can do, right?
As it has always been the case before and it will be again; I/we will be ok
and I/we will heal in time.
And today, I am learning a new normal - again. Thank you "family". I have been treated much better by my friends. Oh how I miss Peggy, Ann and Dee.
Please say a prayer for Megan and everyone who loves her. The pastures may be greener in other places, but grass tends to cover the rough terrain.
And Megan? Thank you (again) for all the smiles you have brought to us and all that you did. We love you. Good luck in your new adventure! May all the best be yours.
