MOOoooooo!

We went out to the ranch to pick up the t-bird and drove around a bit before we went to the barn to get it. I loved watching all the calves trying tofigure out what the Dodge Magnum was - they are used to a pickup bringing the feed out and this was a different food source - or so they thought.  They weren't too happy to find out we didn't have food.

Anyway, lots of calves to enjoy - they are so inquisitive. I love being around them. They try to brave up to come to you, but are so skittish the slightest move scares them. They are so cute and funny!

On the way out there, I saw a solar panel in the middle of a field and asked Rod what it was for. It was actually rather small - about 4 feet tall and 3feet wide, and seemingly out in the middle of nowhere. The reason we went to the pasture? To show me that the solar panel was actually a power source for a pump to pull water from an underground well into the big water vat for the cattle to drink out of!  I ask too many questions but Rod loves to show me the answers.

I love going out here and we have enjoyed being with them so much - I am glad we have had time to share with them this year.

I just want a pizza :-(

I want to go out to eat and I don't want to do it alone. Taking pictures of flowers are not cutting it. I am lonely and sick of being that way.

Steve is in Tulsa, Steph is having a crappy day and upset, no one showed up at scrapping, and I am still alone. Well actually they would have showed up, but I had cancelled it, then decided I felt like doing it after having 3 teeth rebuilt. No one even knew I was going to the freaking dentist!

Yes, I am alive. I was reassured today that is better than the alternative. Alive but feeling very alone.

I found cigarette butts outside my side door and by my car. No one here smokes and I know they just got there last night. I took the trash out that door last night and I picked up a few windblown pieces of paper so I know there were no cigarette butts there. I tried to talk about it to two people - I don't think either one of them heard. Scary stuff for me. I won't tell Steve because he has enough to worry about, but that is why I hate being alone.

I will take more pictures and maybe I can take a couple descent ones of my brother when they get married. Practice makes perfect, right? Too bad I don't have a real live person to practice with. Raelee has no interest in the hour I have with her. She wants to watch a movie.

Off to find supper.

Let's Face It...

I am gone from Morgan City. I have been gone for over a year now and been home for a month. My friends have moved on. I understand - everyone has a life. But if you cannot have 5 minutes to call a friend or a hour to go to lunch, then are they truly your friend? I am always the one making the calls. This week, I have been a good little 'do bee' and I am not making one call to anyone. Steve is out of town, everyone knows he is, he has lost his cell and has limited calling abilities - and how many calls from friends have I recieved? ZERO!! I refuse to call anyone and beg for their friendship - I don't need one sided friendships and I don't understand why it is so darned hard to pick up a phone and say hi if I am your friend. Like I said - I may be in Morgan City - but I am gone.

Steph calls me - to remind me to pick up Raelee, to tell me what night would be a good night to cook for them, to ask me to work with her at work to finish projects that need to be done, to tell me they are going to ball games and to ask for help rearranging her house. NOT to call to see if I am ok or what is going on in my day. Granted nothing IS going on, but do I matter to anyone here? When I found out Steph was upset Steve thought I might go to Tulsa with him, Steph even reminded me that she managed without me for a year - she can manage some more. Yeah, that felt good. I know it is has been difficult for us to be gone for them - but has it been any LESS difficult to us?

I have been walking, gardening and doing work on the house - painting, organizing and staying busy. I have watched too much tv, walked 'til I am blue in the face and still miss the heck out of having any social life at all. Steve is not planning on coming home this weekend (Steph pointed out to him I didn't want to go all that way and she needed me here on Monday), so I will just drive up there later next week - I have to go anyway. My brother is getting married there on the 5th of May and Steve is leaving from here on the 3rd of May to go to Korea. I will be driving up there in time for him to drive back here to catch the plane out. I won't even see him much. I would have enjoyed a bit more time with him.

Ok, I am off my pity party. Life twirls and I am gonna let it twirl. At least I know I am needed. I should not feel so bad about not having friends left when I came home - I have family and I CAN call them if I am in a bind, right?

This morning I was out playing with my camera. I have a LONG way to go, but have you really looked at flowers? I took these pictures this morning and just looked at them in amazement. God is so good to us and we seldom notice his gifts. Here's to you God - thank you for this beauty - and thank you for my family.

Busy as a Bee :-)

So I have not blogged since our anniversary in March. Actually, I have, I just deleted them – but I am doing this for me so here goes.

I have been working my butt off trying to get the house ready in case we have to sell it. I don’t WANT to get it ready for someone else – but I keep seeing $$ signs and telling myself this elbow grease is going to help make just a couple of extra bucks – and every little bit helps to buy the next house. It has been years since I have been so dedicated to something. I must say, even when Steve slacks, I just pick up the slack and move forward – and he follows :-) We are really making headway!

The depression is gone :-) I am faithfully taking my medicine and I am sure that is helping. I see so much of the old me coming back – it is actually a wonderful feeling! I forgot who I was and now I am beginning to remember. The thing I see most is the determination to do something and not stopping because of obstacles.

Steve and I are getting along better than we have in… well… probably since we have been married. I always knew I was lucky, but he is really appreciating what we have been through - and the sacrifices we made to get where we are. It has been a long haul – him working steadily for 30 years, with no sick/personal days and me raising our kids and helping others raise theirs. We have talked about decisions and how they impacted our lives, we have talked about our kids and siblings; our pride and disappointments, and we have talked about our future. Mostly, we have talked about our future and what we need to do to make it when he retires. We have only 3 years and 3 months and we need to get a plan together. We can’t wait any longer. We are confused, but we are trying to work through that…

My biggest accomplishment is that I have lost 38 lbs!! YIIPPPEEE! I am working really hard. If Steve can quit smoking and walk with me, I can lose all the weight I need to. We walk 2.5 miles every morning and I have even done it when he was gone. I am beginning to feel inches melting away – and for the first time in my life, I am not scared. Thanks Lisa! You have really helped me accept myself and have pride in me :-)

More later – off to paint some more.

I love this house :-)

There are some people in life that entertain you; the man that has restored this house is one of them. The house is old; in the beginning the exterior paint was long gone, the bare wood having been exposed years ago. The grass was high above the porch – and it seemed like the house would fall apart in general disrepair – an eyesore for those passing by and eventually it was lost in the jungle of the grass surrounding it. At some point I am assuming it was sold to him – who else would put this much effort in to bringing this house back to life? He painstakingly cut the grass – day in and day out chopping it with a machete. When he got it to a respectable length, he mowed it crisp and proper around a house that was sagging in age. Then started washing the windows and one day I passed while he was sweeping the porch; setting in to making it his home.

In a few days he had a reclining chair placed on the porch with a table next to it and often I would pass and see him sitting after a days’ work and visiting with friends or family. The house was constantly being worked on; however, the paint was still non-existent. Finally the day came that I passed to see him standing on a chair painting a bright color of yellow on the bottom half of the house and later a very old truck was parked up against the house – and he was standing on it painting as high up as he could reach. I can only assume someone eventually loaned him a ladder to paint, because he did finally get the top of the house and eaves with a tall ladder. The yellow was a traditional creole color, too bright for most people, but it seemed to fit his personality. He seemed to be always smiling or whistling while he went about his business of tending to his project. Often in the heat of south Louisiana, I would see him tending to his lawn with his machete to keep the grass and weeds at bay – then back to the business at hand; restoring his home.

Did I say that he was doing all this work around a still sagging, very tired looking house? How can you not respect a man that is feverishly working on a house that others would have gladly torn down? It was entertaining to me to pass and see what he had been working on – and eventually two very large concrete blocks were placed in the front yard and later painted the same mustard yellow that the house was. I could not imagine what he was using those for, but he has never ceased to amaze me, so I know it would eventually come to light.

Today I passed the home again. The painting was done and it had a fresh green coat of paint on the trim. Looking at the house, I had to give him credit – the house was still old, still sagging – but it was painted, the grass (what there is) is ‘cut’ and is nice and tidy around it. On my return trip past it, he was very neatly finishing painting the last word on the edge of the street. In very large, neatly painted letters was the word ‘DRIVEWAY’ – and the concrete blocks were set on either side to let people know where they could park – brightly painted the same yellow as his home.

Some people just make you smile - this man is one of them :-)