Even as a Child...

I was lucky.  Yes, I had a rough childhood, but I did have people in it that cared.  One of those people was my Aunt Janie, my Uncle Danny's wife.  Uncle Danny was daddy's brother and Aunt Janie was his first wife. 

Aunt Janie always sent the most wonderful gifts for birthdays and holidays.  I don't think I ever thought I was worthy enough to get them, but I sure did love them.  She sent a tambourine, a little lime green German grandfather clock, stuffed animals and purses.  We don't have any of that stuff left anymore, but I sure wish I did.  Unfortunately, things that meant the world to me were used as punishment and discarded when I didn't meet expectations.  It broke my heart to see them disappear, but it happened.  The memories are still there though - they couldn't be taken.


Here is a picture of me on the left and my little sister, Liz, on the right.  Liz is holding a yellow cat Aunt Janie made for her: 

It was those gifts and many other things that made her so special.

I don't remember how old I was when I went to their place in New Mexico, but I was in 7th grade.  Aunt Janie took it upon herself to teach me how to sew during that summer.  I had never had anyone actually devote time to teaching me anything - after all, I was supposed to KNOW how to do things!  I think she had taken home economics in college - but I am not sure what gave me that idea.  However, she started at the beginning of sewing by teaching me the very basics; reading patterns, what the tools were, how to embroidery, how to use the sewing machine and then we started on straight stitches.  It was also Aunt Janie who taught me how to rip my not-so-straight stitches out! 

That summer I sewed a throw pillow, a dress, several pairs of jeans (remember 1976 was the bicentennial?  It was just a couple of years away - there was plenty of patriotic material.  I chose a bright flag type fabric for my jeans - and she let me!).  I sewed some blouses and some jammers.  Oh my gosh, did I love the art of sewing!  I learned so much that summer!

One of the things Aunt Janie was a stickler about was doing the job properly.  I learned how to sew a zipper in by doing it over and over until it was correct.  At some point she told me that the back of a garment should look just as pretty as the front of a garment.  I never understood why, but betcha by golly it was done correctly - and it passed front and back inspections - or I went back to the 'drawing board'; seam ripper in hand.

As I sew these quilts, in the back of my head, Aunt Janie still talks to me. She guides my sewing steps just as sure as she was standing there behind me.  I still do things exactly as she taught me; I still check my stitches for being straight and I still make sure the back of the garments look just as pretty as the front:

Uncle Danny and her had divorced years ago.  They lived so far away from us and we seldom saw them prior to their divorce.  But long before they divorced, for whatever reason, dad took my siblings and I out there and left me when he came home.  Thank God for that summer.  Sadly, I was never taught us to write thank you notes so she never got one for all her hard work of teaching me how to sew and her continuous dedication of sending gifts. 

I never felt comfortable contacting Aunt Janie.  I am not sure why... my upbringing always let me believe I was not worthy of being remembered so maybe that was the reason... and I always felt funny that I had not called her in all these years - so why should I call 'now'?  I did ask about her every time I saw their children.  Heck, I even asked my Uncle Danny (who stayed friends with her until the end) how she was doing.  I tried to keep up with her, but I never could 'make' myself contact her.  Aunt Janie passed away 4 years ago.  I was devastated - even though I never saw or heard from her  - or contacted her myself.

I think of her often and I wish I had made the decision to call her and tell her how much she meant to me and my life.  Because of her and Uncle Danny, I felt 'worthy'; they gave me hope, I looked forward to occasionally seeing them and I looked up to them.  Their love flowed through to us.  They were the few parts of my life that gave me solid ground.


So, my dear Aunt Janie? 

I have no idea where I got this picture, but I am glad I do have it - it is a treasured part of my photo collection; lovingly placed under My photos/genealogy/family name/aunts and uncles.  I can easily find you and 'remember' your loving smile.

This is for you.  I hope you can see my perfect "Hello Sunshine!" quilt and its perfect backing.  It is because of you that I sew - and it is because of you that I feel so darned accomplished when I finish a project.

I loved you and yes, I miss you, even though I lost touch with you.  

You were one special lady.

You believed in me.  

Thank you!