After really trying to get to the bottom of it, I realized I just need to give myself a break - I mean just not to be so hard on myself. Our house flooded. We gutted it. We have nearly rebuilt it. I have had to buy a ton of stuff. I have had to pay bills and figure out the money part. I have had to make a million and one decisions. I had sewer issues with the camper. I had battery issues with the camper. I have had electrical issues with the entire house for over a week. I have had to call in people to do pluming and electrical. I have had car issues. I have had to make 1001 trips 40 miles away to Home Improvement stores. I have had the transistion from US to Singapore to US again. There is so much more, but me thinks it all just built up and caused my crash.
Most of all? I am alone. It is very difficult for me to ask for help. I am truly an independent soul, but I need to learn to let others know when I just can't do it alone or without making myself sick - or just because I need someone to lean on when the sh*! gets deep. I am 50 years old and I think that is going to happen when? And I need to give me a break.
I got very little sleep last night. You saw why I got little sleep last night - and Steve called me at 5am this morning, returning my frantic phone call. Sometimes I just need to hear his voice. Last night was one of those nights. Anyway, I stayed up after his call and made myself venture out and face the guys working. I don't know why I dread confrontation so much, but I do. I had to tell them what we needed to work on. When I did, we all handled it very well. Jeff agrees we need to work on the bathroom and the closet doors. We both agreed they could discuss it with Steve when he comes in and see how to work it out. But they will work it out.
The rest of the little things are getting worked on one by one. The sink is going to be ok I think. After I read the directions in the booklet, they did indeed do exactly what was supposed to be done to make the cut out for the sink. In Jeremy's defense, it is exactly right - 1/4" on the inside of the edge. I am sorry I didn't read that first and I am sorry I second guessed the pros. *she eats words here* I am so sorry I didn't read it first before reacting. Remember I said I am not a carpenter? lol...
I still have reservations about how the sink will look shoved all the way to the back, but I am waiting until it is finished and then we will see. I hope that works out in the wash as well. I have decided, with the state of mind I am in, I just need to step back and let things happen and not be so paranoid about it all. Overall things are going very well. It is probably just me. Or maybe a bit me and a bit them. Or me worrying that I am not keeping it all right and Steve will not be happy. Whatever - it is working out now and I feel much better since I had the conversation with Jeff about my concerns. I did have to be in the right frame of mind to talk with them though. My brain has just shut down working. I am trying to jump start it again, but no amount of Coca Cola is working.
I worry about every freaking thing on the earth under the best circumstances - I gotta get over that. Just how to do it? Depression and anxiety is sucky. I wish I could magically make it go away. Sometimes it is very scary to me. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is very difficult. Right now, I am still at that fragile state where if you flick me I will bawl. I have no reason, I just do it. I am sorry.
After talking with the guys, I bailed again. Today I went to return things at Home Depot and look for curtains at Wal-Mart. I hate that stinking job, but I did it. One more room down. Dee helped me with one bedroom, Peggy went with me and I bought curtains for the the scrap room today - all I have left is for one more bedroom. And of course the bathrooms. Ugh.
When I came home, this is what I saw:
The wood above the door has been installed and has one coat of paint. YAY!
The bathroom medicine cabinet in the main bathroom is installed (over a repaired hole) and the lights are working :-)
Our bedroom light and fan is installed and working :-)
The closet lights are working in both closets :-)
The big YAY is that when I turn on and off the bedroom light, the closet lights stay off. When I turn off the bedroom light, the closet lights can be turned on - so they all work independently just as they are supposed to do. YIPPEE! *she sighs a big sigh of relief*
The back bathroom medicine cabinet is installed and the lights work :-)
I did not take pictures of it, but all the glossy paint on the flat paint has been touched up - I think a few more places have to be retouched, but we are on the right track for that as well. I have great confidence it will be done. :-)
The back doors have been painted on one side and look beautiful. I am sure finishing that is on the list of 'stuff to do' as well. :-)
Oh! And the click, click, click, click, click on the fan is fixed! Someone forgot to tighten the nuts on the blades. A simple fix. YAY! :-)
There is a stack of beautiful stained somethings in the corner of the kitchen. I think it may very well be the bottoms of my drawers for the cabinets. We shall see. I am happy to see the stained stack of somethings - I know they are for our house and they will be perfect for what they are made for :-)
Lastly, again, we are very thankful that everything is ok in Steph's neighborhood. In daylight today, the picture is really not pretty. One more picture to share just how lucky every one is:
M cannot get in her cars as the insurance company is positive if she tries to start either vehicle the air bags with deploy. She has to wait on them to come out and get the proper people out to do what needs to be done. She got a rental today and I searched both of our storage units to find a car seat that I was knew was not comprimised for the baby. We want to take no chances. Those cars were hit hard and our family has a car seat for every age kid. One is out 'just in case' for C now - we want her safe and sound :-)
Off to bed to rest now. I feel much better about how things are going. My hubby will be home at 5pm tomorrow night and it will all be ok. A big hug from him, a huge bawl from me and we can fix it all together with the great crew we have.
Thanks guys! :-)
1 comment:
It is starting to look like a house again! This is great and good luck pulling through. One of my favourite sayings that always helps me look on the bright side is: "Every human heartbeat is a universe of possibilities."
The chance to feel good again, the chance to fix a problem, the chance to smile and move on, the chance to grit your teeth.
We have the power over our own mind and feelings.... most of the time :-)
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